I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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