I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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