she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
