He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
