you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
