Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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