I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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