careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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