it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
