i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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