You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
