No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
