Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
