I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
