It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
