I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
