Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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