You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
