Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
