I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
