he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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