This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
