I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
