I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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