i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Come share oat with me in your robe
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize