True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
