Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
