Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
