Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
