PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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