You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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