he wants to bone in the snuggie
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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