I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
