How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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