Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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