Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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