why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
