So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
