Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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