Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
