Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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