I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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