I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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