ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
