I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's just like the Real World with babies
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My dick has a subreddit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
