i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
