eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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