Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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