Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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