remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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