I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
