I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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