Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
