Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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