We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
