Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
