Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
