I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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