There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
