Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
