Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
