She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
