I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found your dick twin last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
