Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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