Where did you get a picture of my penis
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
