The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
