my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
