is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
