We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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