and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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