After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize