I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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