I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i think my cat just said my name.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He did a backflip because drugs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
