i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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