Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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(478): View more from Georgia

you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

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(585): View more from New York

they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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(769): View more from Mississippi

He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(204): View more from Manitoba

That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina

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(989): View more from Michigan

Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?

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(847): View more from Illinois

It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth

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