jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize