I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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