Porn is love you can see.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
