your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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