He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there's paper in my vomit.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
