She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
