There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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