Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
