the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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