If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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