Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
