I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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