did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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